Experimentation

Pic spam!

2008-01-16T09:20:56Z

I bought the bears, now for the pic spam.

This is how they look like originally.

This is Tokitoh, with his clear card.

Likewise for Kubota. I love that the cards show them basically in the same pose, but from their own perspectives.

Tokitoh's glove is partially detachable. It is also the cutest thing ever.

The K and the T which makes them so expensive.

Bear to bear.

And of course, OTP.

The bears are about 20 cm full height, have movable joints and are of a velvety material.

WA drabbles

2007-12-28T13:33:25Z

Some WA drabbles from some time ago. Standard disclaimers and warnings apply, much thanks to a_mael for the beta. Set at various points in canon.

Found

The gun is cold in your palm. You calculate the distance and adjust the angle. It is not a clear shot but it is not hard. You mentally trace the trajectory of the bullet, arms shifting to ensure a clean shot straight into the centre of the forehead. Certain death upon impact. You weigh the speed in the event of a gun drawn on you. You tense muscles for the recoil and

his hand is warm in yours, tugging your fingers and curiously demanding, “Who was that, Kubo-chan?”

You reply, “Just some solicitation of a newcomer to the sex industry.”

Lost

All that is left is a note in his familiar scrawl.

Kou-san says the Izumo took him.

You see Komiya’s gift of time, the seconds now ticking away.

You see the suspension of time linking the past to the future.

Your past has finally caught up, overtaking you and incarcerating your future.

You remember a pair of piercing eyes, a pair of bloodied hands, a desperate voice telling you that you should not die like this.

You remember the perfect fit of a leather glove warm between your fingers.

You vow, “I’m not going to let go of him yet.”

How lame is it to post a comment as an entry in your lj?

2007-05-15T09:27:12Z

Bridge scene.

Firstly, I'm curious as to why Gojyo has to even bring the whole thing up, and pester Hakkai about it. I'm sure he knows very well about Hakkai's sore spots, and this just smacks of hidden intentions,(but what?) more than just a harmless conversation starter. I'm not if I'm right to draw the link, but after reading vol 5, the bedside conversation, I'm wondering if that's Gojyo's roundabout way of asking "Are you ok, wanna talk about it?" and knowing Hakkai will evade till death, he forces the question on him, as straight forward as you'll get. (And still Hakkai manages to partially wrangle out of it...)

The whole daughter, wife, family thing seems to be a serious case of evasion. He doesn't want to talk about it, he doesn't want Gojyo to poke where it hurts, so he deals with it by hitting back, perhaps with some frustration, at Gojyo. I'll get a wife, have kids, you'll still be single and hitting on my daughter, lalala. Also a feel of Hakkai silently demanding, what do you expect me to say? That it still hurts? That it's getting to me? Break down and cry in front of you? Hakkai will never say that, so it feels like he's going the extreme. Laughing and pretending it's all hilarious instead of showing how he really feels. Putting on a brave front. And I think he resents Gojyo's questioning, and so there's a bit of meaness towards Gojyo, to get him to back off. Only, instead of Gojyo, he's hurting himself instead, because probably once a upon a time, we know that was his dream. But now it's gone. And he started it as a joke, but now the joke's on him.

The part where he bows his head after the rant, it's like acknowledgement to me, that Hakkai does know he's talking crap. He's sort of calling himself on it. I think he's just upset and it just came out on the spur, but he couldn't make himself go on pretending to himself anymore. Especially in the last panel, where he says something like (in my Chinese edition of the book) "Naturally, I might think that way." I think that's evidence that he is moving on in his way. I don't think he could ever be nonchalent about Kanan, but he is not as mired in the past. Where he acknowledges that it's what he might Think about, but he knows it's not reality, it will not be, he doesn't blindly want that anymore. And also that even if he can't have that, it's not the end of the world, or a reason to stop living now.

Gojyo being at Hakkai's side, showing he gets it, he understands, and he's there, waiting for him. I think all of that becomes clear to Gojyo, and now he has the answer he wants, he's happy to play along, just saying what Hakkai wants to hear, when he's made sure that it's all bullshit and Hakkai knows that too.

I've thought about it from Gojyo's Pov too, and this is just speculation, but I'm wondering if Gojyo starts the questioning also because he's insecure? Something about it just makes me feel that, somehow. By indirectly asking if Hakkai would bring *someone* back, and commenting on how they can have such a peaceful life, is he asking would Hakkai bring Kanan back, and if so, where does he stand then, in Hakkai's life? Gojyo's always been insecure, and doubtful about if someone loves him, so it feels too like he's checking, wanting to make sure. Would Hakkai drop him like a stone if he could have Kanan. Would Gojyo still be wanted.

And Hakkai resents being forced to think about that, so he reacts the way he does. But in the end, Gojyo does get the answer he wants, with Hakkai's resignation that things like that are stuff of pure fantasy, and we all know the saying: it's fine to think about crazy stuff, as long as we don't act on it, or mistake fantasy for reality. And he can breathe easy now.

The 40 years old comment is another that has me puzzling. Hakkai rarely reveals his emotions so this should mean something? I wonder what. I do like that he automatically includes Gojyo in his ruminations about their future, as though it's a given that Gojyo would of course be there. They rarely think, or talk openly about the future, the whole 'live for today and with the knowledge they will die one day' philosophy, but it's shown Hakkai, at least, does worry about the future. And on the surface he sounds unhappy at the prospect of them still going the same way 20 years later, but it seems he hasn't conceived of any other possible future. He doesn't consider marrying another girl and settling, he doesn't consider that Gojyo might want that too. Gojyo is the type of guy who will eventually want to settle down with someone and be happy that way, and it seems Hakkai has him booked already. I wonder if that's the whole point? To show the possibility of such a future. The way Hakkai phrases it, it sounds as though to him, that's the most likely future. Or is he worried that they'll still be on the road then? Is he worried about the 'them', or the 'still the same'? puzzled.

As for Gojyo's final remark about what 'us', at first I thought, he's probably just saying it, just disagreeing for the sake of it, or refusal to admit. Then I had a conversation with my friend. She tried to persuade me to visit her college for an exchange programme, and kept saying how I should really go there and join her. And I was secretly pleased, but I didn't know if I should take her seriously. So I shot back without thinking, "Why should I bother to go to your college?" when really I was thinking, yes! yes, I'll love to. And she replied, exasperated, "For me, duh. Because I want you to come! What else!" and I just wanted to hear her say that and be sure. And after the conversation, and I thought about it, and I realised I'm pretty sure that's what Gojyo's "How did I end up in your 'we'?" meant. And if we take that, it's possible that Hakkai's 40 year old comment, or at least to Gojyo, is that he does want the possibility of a future where they're still together, and still going strong. No more other women in the picture. Not seriously anyway. I speculate, anyway.

Saiyuki ficlet.

2007-05-11T12:15:03Z

Title: Sober
Pairing: 85, slightly not worksafe.
Summary: Musings.
A/N: Inspired by this picture.

Touch me. Don’t touch me. Touch me not. Don’t not touch me.

I count them silently in my head.

I can feel the silkiness of his hair. Taste the fine stubble prickle under my tongue. Smell the musk of his cologne. Feel the loose, smooth fabric under the finger pads of my other hand. Hear his gasps against my lips. Feel his left hand draped calmly on my back, then moving south, defiantly ignoring the boundaries of demin.

I hold his skin with my teeth. I nip.

If I open my eyes I see crimson. The eyes are a more hazardous danger sign, because he might make me read what’s there.

His hardness is pressing firmly against my thigh. Everything I shift my leg slightly he moans, tightens fingers on the back of my neck. It’s not strangulation. It’s tender. It’s not a chokehold to squeeze the vestiges of guilt from my life. He is clinging onto my life. I cannot shake it off.

This is wrong.

He is very gentle.

I brush his hair back. This hair, it is a warning to me. Of my unpardonable sins. My penitence. It is very bloody. I mean, it is of the colour of blood. When I run my fingers through it looks like my blood-stained hands. The flowing of blood when he tosses his head. It is sin. Sins. My punishment is to live with it everyday. It is not because I love his hair. It is not a thing of beauty. It does not brighten my day, or the house. I do not desire to run my fingers through it, nor to bury my face in it and just inhale.

Gods, please help me.

No, of course you don’t.

Please violate me then.

He is under me. Why is he so trusting? Does he not know what a thing is it to be trapped under the weight of guilt and sin? To have the life crushed out. All I need to…fingers and his windpipe. Or teeth. I close my teeth lightly on his Adam’s apple. He arcs into my bite. I could tear his jugular out with my teeth. The red would complement his hair and eyes. I can almost taste his blood under human skin that is too thin. They call it a protective organ. They are wrong. It does not protect.

I make him moan with my incisors. He screws his eyes shut when I do that. It is better. I do not want to look into his eyes. They are dangerous pools. They tempt. To look is to fall in and drown in sin. Underneath it is something worse than that. I cannot bear to look at it directly.

I burn in that gaze.

That is why I must make him scream.

He does, my name. Like a creature dragged up from murky depths writhing under the light of day. It is raw and low and scrapes against my conscious. A sound of pleasure? A sound of pain? There could never be one without the other. What it is, a curse, or a name. A thing by any other name is still trapped by the weight of what it is. Still, a name has connotations too. What the name used to mean, does having a new one mean the old is killed off?

I lick his lips. This induces a smile from him. A natural, easy, real one. I must learn carefully. I have not yet mastered this art of deception. He smiles too much when there is no reason to. I smile too falsely because I do not wish to remember the things that make real smiles. I could wipe that smile off in a flash. Then kiss it and make it better. He’ll still smile at me in the end. He tries to elicit real smiles from me. I rarely humour him. Smiles reveal too much.

I do not want him to look too deeply.

There is too much darkness in there, enough to drown another.

His breath is warm against my ears, my cold limiters. I catch drifts of promises. Try to set them loose immediately. It is not a broken thing if it was never made. I feel his words on my limiters, trying to break them down, eat through the metal, unleashing the monster inside. I feel the edge of a sharp knife tip.

Now he studies me as I have him. Instinctively the wall slides up effortlessly and soundlessly. This should deter him but it doesn’t. He tosses me a look. Challenging me. With the knowledge of his knowledge.

It becomes blindingly clear he sees.

Beyond that haze of red.

I drown silently. Denial is the only victory.

List of the Write stuff.

2007-05-11T10:12:10Z

Oooof. I never thought I'll actually be able to do one of this, but I do!

Okay. I have a zillion things to write, some with deadlines, things to type out, things to edit, and the most I can do with my ideas, are list them out, period. I want desperately to write, but the words aint flowing.

Things to write:
-~~Asahi paper writing competition. I'm not really inspired by the topics, but the prize winner gets her prize in Tokyo! And that's the whole point really, and why not~~. done, and sent off.
-~~Inspire writing competition. Just 'cuz.~~ ~~Written, to be edited.~~ done, sent off.
-That missing chapter in Reload 7 after they split with Sanzo and before Goku wakes.
-ikkou fic inspired by the song "How to save a life." Promises it will NOT be a songfic.
-What makes Tokitoh different for Kubota? No, really? And I can't stop thinking about it, so it Must become a fic.

Things to type:
~~-WA death fic.~~ done.
-WA PWP. Then again, maybe not. Still wonder if it's a good idea to write something I have no knowledge about.

Things to edit:
~~-WA drabbles.~~ edited.
-Araiso fic.
-WA fic, fic, fic, fic. (Let's see, seeing Tokitoh from Kubota's pov, story of dead cats and picking up cats, Kubota muses, Kubota muses on something else happier. Yes that's 2 different fics.)
(sorry a_mael, I'm still torturing you with betaing. I'm just looking them through first, because I don't want to kill you that much. ^_^;;)
-~~85...something. From Hakkai's PoV. Why I'm so hesitant.~~ Done and posted!
-This idea I have, where Gojyo's always the one who picks everyone up after a fallout and dusts them off. I love the concept, I'm clueless as to how to make it a good fic.
-~~Golden point award entry first draft. Editing 5000 words, wow. I suck at this.~~ done and sent off!
-and a whole bunch of 85 fluff. Because I can't write anything else but fluff, and bits of angst, like 'Gojyo-death fic' or 'Hakkai-jealous fic'. Because if I write 85 somehow I'm incapable of ending it with anything else other then they kiss and make up/out, or they die. But that's a bottom of the list.

This is the part where I look at the list and tear my hair out. This is the part where I wonder why I do this, and I know I do because I just have to. This is also the part where I note that Hakkai and Kubota are supposed to be so similar right? So why is it that Kubota's voice comes so easily to me, whereas Hakkai just simply refuses to speak to me?

On another note, I would love to see what happens if something screws up the rules of space and time, and Kubota, Hakkai and Tenpou get to meet, sit down and talk. I wish someone would write that.

Long assed thing I wouldn't presume to call an essay

2007-05-10T04:58:53Z

I have just gotten a copy of Saiyuki Reload 7.

Typing the line above calmly without any caps, exclaimation marks and emoticons is akin, on a smaller scale, to Hakkai smiling very politely right before he kicks someone's ass. Hard. This is that smile. You can fill in the rest of the blanks.

Oh god.

Went to Kinokuniya yesterday, solely on the premise of ordering Araiso. Found that they actually brought in Tokyopop's edition, ahead of reload 6. Poked at it a few times, to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. Checked to make sure it was Reload 7 and I wasn't going blind, mistaking a 1 for 7. I think my brain imploded for a little bit.

After pacing the manga section for half an hour, having suitably calmed down, (and needing to leave soon because I was meeting someone,) I wondered if I should hold out for the Chinese edition after all. It sounded like a plausible theory, until I realised my feet refused to leave the store unless I was actually the owner of a copy of it. At that point unless someone forcefully threw me out I was physically incapable of walking out myself.

Ah well, no fight at all.

So I couldn't sit down and read it all at once because I met someone for shopping, but I did it. And it was a little disconcerting to see Hakkai speaking English and Goku saying "Ya got that way tryin' to stop me didn't ya?" In the Chinese editions they don't slang so much and they speak more formally, proper sentences and all. And the semi-poetic stuff that Minekura writes at the start and end of chapters comes across more poetically. And the size is larger, by about an inch all round. Took a littlegetting used to.

But hey, it's relaod 7! It also made for a lot smoother and easier reading, because the traditional Chinese editions have me labouriously plowing through panel by panel, with a hefty dictionary on my lap, because I'm schooled in simplified Chinese. Also, I wish there was a Chinese version of urbandictionary.com, because I'm clueless as to what some of the phrases mean and they're not in the dictionaries. I always feel like I'm reading a novel, because the language seems so much more complex. Perhaps I'm just not as used to reading chunks of Chinese text.

At any rate, I went home with Reload 7 and WA 1 and now my Saiyuki and WA collections are complete, for now, with orders for Araiso, and I spent some time drooling over the Japanese versions. Of Gaiden. Vol 1 and 2. Am I envious.

Now for the inevitable 85 fangirling.

I see this is indeed the "Minekura-sensei loves us, yes she does!" volume. Well, one of them anyway. One of my favourite panels is the one where Hakkai is an inch from hitting Gojyo, but he stops himself at the last second. No explanation needed, but speaks volumes. I love the idea of how youkaiHakkai may be losing his mind to the minus wave, he's tearing chunks from the Seiten Taisei, even Sanzo worries he may lose his mind for good, so gone he lashes out without a thought, but just the sight of Gojyo, just his presence, is enough to bring him to a complete halt and restore his mind. That he can and will hurt anyone but Gojyo. That no matter how gone he is, Gojyo'll always bring him back. That Gojyo has that kinda influence over him. Not a surprise, but rarely shown as explicitly.

Another thing I wonder is does Gojyo expect to be hit? Or does he somehow know Hakkai wouldn't? There's something about offering yourself to be hit that's working on reverse psychology. Still, Hakkai was so gone then. Gojyo wouldn't know if he'll be able to get through to Hakkai in time. Seems risky, but a risk he was willing to take. The other thing is the contrast. The idea of soft power to counter a hard one. Hakkai is all power and wild violence and Gojyo's idea of stopping him is to just stand there quietly, defiantly, doing everything by not doing anything. Quite a leap of faith, to just stand there and take it unflinchingly and hope the other wakes up in time. That's having quite a bit of confidence in someone who's known for his ability to lose himself.

I was also thinking, all his life, Gojyo just stands there and gets hit by people. Sanzo, his mum, Banri's gang, etc. And his idea of doing something is frequently inactivity. He lets Jien leaves, he was about to let his mum kill him, he lets Gonou leave, he lets Sanzo leave, he lets Banri take advantage of him, he was about to let the youkai kill him without even a struggle. He's always letting the other party have their way, often to disastrous results for himself. And this time, he's still not doing anything and just standing there to be hit. But this time it works and he isn't hurt. This time, his way works, for both of them. I get the feeling it's like saying Hakkai is the special one. He's the one who wouldn't,(couldn't?) hurt Gojyo even if he lets him. What they have, is special. What he feels for Hakkai is actually reciprocated, for once in a long line of wanting and not being loved.

And the next part, where Hakkai shields Gojyo from Goku's attack, taking the brunt of it. Somehow I'm very touched by it, especially the way he yells "Gojyo!" and protects him. Whenever they fight, Hakkai is always very dispassionate about it. He smiles, makes witty banter, acts as though he isn't really there, or as if he's just calmly reading a book. He's terribly nonchalent in method, the way Gonou was too, murdering his way in, taking time to pause and reflect on his hands, and make apologies to Kanan. I suppose part of the reason is that they all have faith in each other, and rarely is anyone even half of a match for them. The last time I can recall Hakkai getting worked up is over the last time Goku loses the diadem, out of obvious worry for Goku and Sanzo. But here, he's obviously and extremely worried for Gojyo, to the point he just leaps in front of him and uses his body as a shield. No time for chi, just make sure Gojyo's safe. Where in the series do any of the ikkou ever jump in front of another and blindly tries to protect him? (kami-sama doesn't count because that was a plan, Hakkai's no less probably.) Even Gojyo doesn't do that. It's pretty much been everyone left to their own fight because they have faith the others can handle it, there's always watching each other's backs, and at worst coordinated attacks, working together. But not this "I'll protect you with my body!" which seems as though Seiten Taisei is so much of a danger that he can shake the ever unflappable Hakkai out of his nonchalence and actually display anxiety, for Gojyo of course. Hakkai is also never this reckless. Every move he does always seem planned and thought through. The way Hakkai fights does border on suicidality sometimes, but in that little act, it's all about keeping Gojyo away from danger. When push comes to shove, we know what Hakkai's like, what he really feels.

Man, I sure hope Gojyo doesn't die before Hakkai. Same problem for Sanzo/Goku, but I don't think Goku would flip out, because he's growing wiser and stronger and learning he can be independant and he knows Sanzo wouldn't want that. But Hakkai, haha. Feels like he'll just simply blow half the world up, taking himself with it. Hakkai and Gojyo on the other hand seems to have become even more codependent as the series progresses, Hakkai finally letting go of Kanan and learning to let someone in, and Gojyo finally finding someone who loves him in return who wouldn't just leave.

And I still want to talk about the part where Gojyo almost stops Hakkai from taking the limiters off, and gush about the CPR, and the parallels with WA! Though I no longer see Kubota and Tokitoh as merely Hakkia and Gojyo reincarnate, but individuals in their right. This is gonna be a series of long ramblings. And I'm getting back to the 85 swing of things! I've been very wrapped up in Kubotoki because the wait for Reload 7 was killing me every time I thought about it and for Kubotoki, at least everything's there. You'll have to pardon me. ^^

You have got to be kidding me...

2007-05-04T08:32:40Z

I'M BACK.

Exams are finally over \o/ and summer hols! And let the slacking begin!

I can't believe I actually managed to stay off the net and be good and just mug. Now, to catch up with everything I've missed. T_T. I daren't even imagine going on yaoi_daily. That's way too much catching up to do. Ah, I have 3 months anyway.

Anyway, I went to a library recently and was pleasantly surprised to note that they stocked up on a whole bunch of new English manga, mostly from Tokyopop. There was even Antique Bakery! I found the popular stuff that practically every manga/anime-lover in the country must have read or watched, except me, like Inuyasha, Bleach, FMA, One Piece, Naruto, and some other stuff I can't recall now. So I started flipping through most of those, because I've practically read most of Minekura sensei's stuff that I can get my hands on and I figured I need something new.

Here's the part where I think I must be terribly dumb, because I was shocked. Thing is, previously my diet had been pretty much Minekura and a little of CLAMP and a range of yaoi manga. Somehow along the way I presumed that manga would generally look like what Minekura does, the anatomatically accurate figures, attention to detailed backgrounds, lots of close up and focus on faces and postures, gradient, shading, lots of realism in portrayal of characters, ie no chibis, not jaw dropping and eyes popping and huge sweatdropping every other page, what you see is what you actually do see in real life, on real people. Not tiny stick figures with exaggerated expressions and stuff like that. Not tiny squares with mostly white background. Not the ever present comical elements. Not the faces that look nothing real. Those eyes are huge. 0_0

And that's when I was shocked. Because, well, I wasn't expecting that. Yaoi manga tends to reinforce my misperception that manga generally looks like that. Attention to characters, faces, a bit more realism in the art. Then I realised yaoi manga is a subset of shojo manga and the other popular stuff, that's more shonen manga. I think the drawing in shojo manga tends to focus more on the people? full body shots, full page shots and all.

I know Saiyuki and WA are much bigger in terms of size (not Tokyopop but the Asian editions) compared to other traditional manga but I didn't realise it would make such a big difference in the panels and shots. Also, Minekua is rather generous with space and boxes for the characters.

I suppose a part of why Saiyuki came down easy was the eyes. I love their eyes. It isn't the huge chibi type of eyes that takes up half the face, and I know that's a characteristic of manga, but I don't love it too much. I was sold on the eyes, which look real and proportionate and the people looked real and accurate. Also, there's plenty of subtle emotion in the eyes, not just always shinning and brimming out of happiness or sadness. I pour through WA and I'm amazed at how with just mainly the eyes, and a little of the rest of the face, you can tell where Kubota is feeling I'm-pwning-your-ass-so-hard cold rage, or total lovestruck lovey-dovey on Tokitoh and the other range of emotions he's feeling. He's always smiling and sometimes there isn't much difference otherwise, so it's in the eyes.

So I figured I'll have to look for manga where the art is closer to that because I'm still reeling from the shock. Not shojo manga though. Can't stand that much flowers and bishojos. I'm sure there must be other stuff that's like what Minekura does art-wise that's not shojo. The defies category stuff. And I suppose if the storyline is good I might give a go. Shallow as it sounds I'm learning for me personally, art matters. A lot. Good art and half the battle is won. I'm always more tempted to try something where the art appeals.

WA fic.

2007-04-19T07:23:47Z

Title: Differentiation
Pairing: KubotaTokitoh
Summary: Differentiate/ 3 [V] to treat people or things in a different way
Author's note: Much thanks to a_mael for the beta. Definition from the Oxford Dictionary.

Time: A few years ago.

Subject: A teenage girl, “Anna”.

Seven Stars.

Strawberry lip gloss.

Cheap floral perfume.

Groan of pipes.

Thick humidity.

Manicured, polished nails threaded in hair.

Taste of bruises.

Something needy.

Brittle.

***

Time: Sometime in 1995.

Subject: A middle aged man, “Sanada”.

Royal Ark Vanilla.

Lotte’s pear gum.

Expensive cloying cologne.

Hum of the engine.

Air-conditioning.

Arm heavy around shoulder.

Taste of sleaze.

Something oily.

Rotten.

***

December 19 1996 6.47pm.

The sky is murky black except for the cluster of light from the street lamps and Tokitoh is cupping his gloved hands around his mouth and exhaling, complaining about the cold. The apartment is just straight ahead and a few more minutes’ walk will get you back in the warmth. At least both of you are full are now, no longer hungry and cold as when you made the trip out.

It is at this precise moment snow starts to fall, just a few flakes. You note with curiosity how bewildered Tokitoh appears.

“Hey, Kubo-chan, what’s this?”

“Snow.”

“Snow?” He echoes your word carefully.

Tokitoh tilts his head towards the sky and little flakes land on his skin, making him scrunch up his face. Still, he is not deterred and soon he is sticking out his tongue and trying to catch the flakes, pulling off his left glove to let it land on his palm, poking at it until it melts.

Then he turns to you and exclaims, wonder in his voice, “Kubo-chan, it’s cold! And it disappears!”

“Hai, hai. It’s melting.”

He looks like a kid then, eyes wide with amazement as he ambles around trying to catch the falling flakes, neck tilting at an uncomfortable angle, shivering when they melt on contact with his warm skin. You think this as you finish your smoke.

He is beginning to look a little frosty with his nose turning red, so you walk over to him, take his glove from him and pull it on for him before grasping his hand and stuffing it into your pocket. You tell him he looks cold and tease him about being the one whining about the temperature just then. You say the two of you should be moving on now before he catches a cold. You didn’t expect it to snow and neither of you are dressed for it. You suspect he is on the verge of protesting when you notice how blue and cold his lips look. You think he could use some warming up, and

your lips-

-cold

and it is static in your mind.

When you finally pull away you’re mildly surprised he hasn’t hit you yet. You would give him two seconds for the shock to hit and thereafter it would all be instinctive, but you’re still standing with all body parts intact. He didn’t react then, and he’s still looking at you. Shock is wearing off, and he looks as though he is considering several different courses of action and doesn’t know which to take, leading to inactivity. You remember vaguely another pair of lips that didn’t respond; the taste of brittle need and Royal Ark and still others.

Perhaps it is karma.

You smile randomly, turn aside and start walking, pulling him along by his hand.

He quickly falls into step with you, and when you sneak a peek at him he is frowning at the ground, still looking mildly perturbed. You would reach out and ruffle his hair, if your hand was free.

He suddenly turns and cuts into your path, standing right in front of you, making you brake abruptly in your step, though you cover it well. His perpetually gloved hand reaches out for your arm, clutching it a little too tightly. Firm resolve is blatant in his eyes. He tilts his head to meet your eye. You instinctively, unconsciously lower your head as you always do when talking to him and

his lips-

-warm

and it is static.

He quickly turns away, looking both embarrassed and resolute at the same time. This time it is his turn to start marching away and pulling you along, staring straight ahead, breathing out rapid bursts of white condensation. When you catch up with him you don’t say anything. You merely squeeze his hand, once, in your coat pocket. You think he looks warmer now. He squeezes back, aligning his arm with yours, hips bumping yours as you walk.

There is only one thing prowling in your mind as the apartment block looms larger.

This time, you kissed back.

lybra87 @ 2007-04-12T17:55:00

2007-04-12T09:58:13Z

Hey xaipe,

Here's Cao Cao. JJ Lin's 4th album.

Enjoy!

EEEEEEk.

2007-04-11T05:13:45Z

Ok. So Reload 7 is out in the States, (ohtheinjusticeofitall) and I'm tearing my nails out. WHAT is wrong with Chuangyi? I've been waiting and It's been pushed back for 6 months now it's still not out! DAmnit! I'm gonna go to Kinokuniya today, and hope they have the Taiwanese version, and I'm gonna get it. Enough! And I thought we're supposed to be nearer!

*what's studying it's reload 7! life on the line!*

ETA:

Mood: Stable.
Situation: No sign of Reload 7 reaching the island anytime soon. Not for a month at least.
Recommendations: Injections of patience, because patient previously showed signs of cracking and actually considered ordering Tokyopop from Amazon. Visible restrains if necessary.

orz.

a sniff, a sigh, and a song (or two)

2007-04-09T08:15:24Z

So I was *sniff* reading the Rules prequel sidestory and crying a bit and thinking oh my, I love Miyamoto Kano. She's good like Minekura-sensei, though in a different kind of good, and, okay. Minekura-sensei still pwns me and has my soul. But Miyamoto Kano is pretty good too and it really shouldn't be called yaoi because it has a plot and lots of stuff and she's just good at nailing characters' emotions and developments and relationships, stuff like that. Not to mention the ability to make her readers squee, bite their nails, bawl nonstop and come crashing down to earth all in a volume. It's very real and poignant and cuts to the core and she can do the 'make you cry in the total subtle implicit way where realisation dawns on you slowly and it hits you in the gut and you lose it.'

And I haven't felt so sad (and cried so hard) for a manga since I read Snow Drop. (Which reminds me, because I just saw that anime episode recently and it made me cry AGAIN. I cried when I read the scanlations, cried again when I read the Chinese tankoubon version and now the anime. The win.) That Rules chapter just about killed everyone because it's accidental pointless character death and realisation of love too late, gone now. And the one who's left behind, there's no melodrama. Just a kind of numb, until he realises what it could've been, what he lost, and then it was the floodgates despair. The kind of thing, you know, you actually might just know exactly how that feels. And it's terribly tragic because you know it's a prequel, which means you go and reread the main story that's already out, except now you know why he's so sad and so damaged and you feel even worse for him because you see the consequence and it's not pretty and you feel even worse and start crying for him again. And because everything feels so real, you can't just say it's only R&J, silly, and brush it aside.

And these days I'm always looking for something to make me cry, something safe though, like a movie or a play or a manga, because it feels safer somehow, and I'm always feeling unreal and disconnected, Kubota-style and it's always good to feel something.

On another note. Exams coming, ala sigh, which means I should go mug but I know I can't just stay offline so I shall just try to lie low instead. Still so extremely sickening, and disturbing.

Anyway, onto more vids!

How to save a Life- The Fray Apart from the title and song causing plot bunnies to fizz in my mind, it's my current favourite 85 theme song. It's so them. 'He smiles politely back at you/ You stare politely right on through'.

Through Glass- Stone Sour A Kubota-ish feel to it, and I love lines like 'When something like a soul becomes initialized and folded up like /Paper dolls and little notes, you can't expect a bit of hope'.

muzak.

2007-04-04T07:41:18Z

I am slow, but recently I'm rather liking the Scissor Sisters. The tracks are so danceable, and they remind me of Franz Ferdinand. Which reminds me I must go get their first album. I fell in love with FF after going to their concert which rocked and I danced it through and it was awesome because anything that can get me dancing in public is teh win.

But. Yes. I am in love with the Filthy/Gorgeous video. It's so Queer as Folk Babylon-ish. Risque. Including this hot scene of guys kissing and plenty of bdsm. But it's so hot. Sexy. And had me trying to glue my jaw back. Yum. The song is also infectious like woah and I have a falsetto stuck in my head going Cuz you're filthy, oooh, and I'm gorgeous. Oh my. I can't began to describe how much I am loving that song and that video right now. Mmmmmm~

Recently I told a new friend my choice of posion for music is rock, and she gave me a puzzled look and said 'you don't look like the type who likes rock," and I wondered if rock-lovers are supposed to all wear a same look. It's funny because if we're playing the stereotype game, she's seen me wearing black boots to school, or clad in head to toe black, or with black nail polish and surely one rarely stereotypes someone dressed that way as "she must love sappy love ballads!" or "she must be a fan of jazz."

But I love rock, and I'm discovering that I like many genres of rock. So far of the various subtypes I've sampled the only one I don't have a taste for is heavy metal. But many things go, and genre mixing is especially cool. And the Red Hot Chili Peppers, are woah.

JJ Lin albums.

2007-04-02T07:30:12Z

I uploaded these for a friend, so might as well not let the links go to waste. It's Lin Jun Jie's 1st and 2nd album.

lst album: http://www.savefile.com/files/590842

2nd album (jiang nan): http://www.savefile.com/files/590834

feel free to take if you want.

I look only at the guys.

2007-03-30T09:42:18Z

So I was thinking about how Saiyuki is pretty good at subverting stereotypes, and taking potshots at cliches. Then I got to thinking about gender stereotype, and hmmm.

Minekura-san writes and draws wonderful male characters. Her female characters are not bad, sometimes interesting, wouldn't get on anyone's nerve (except rabid yaoi fangirls), are definitely better than some of the awfully stereotyped female characters in manga but compared to the guys they pale in comparison.

From what I've read,(which is saiyuki, WA, stigma, Araiso, honeycomb) it seems firstly, there's the spunky feisty young or little girl who's able to hold her own. There's Lirin, Seika, Katsuragi, that girl in the youkai village in the recent chapters of reload. These are pretty interesting and cool.

Then we have the slightly older, young adults like Yaone, Satori, Anna, who still have a bit of the fight in them, but the impression is still 'female who needs a man to comfort her and save her'. Yaone is spunkier towards the later chapters, but she starts off crying and trying to kill herself and needing Kou to fly in and save her. Uh. Satori. The mental image I have is just a hysterical, crying, wailing girl who needs a guy to save her, in the case of Tokitoh and Kubota. She tries to become stronger, yes, but in one of the last scenes she's crying and looking despondent. Anna. She's better, but her tough shell is brittle too, and cynicism is how she protects herself. Her first encounter is to go crying to another guy and asking him to comfort her. The doctor in Nii's lab doesn't cry, but she's constantly suppressed and sexually harrassed. Do I see a pattern? And I'm sure most females don't cry all that much all the time...

Finally, we have the "I'm trying not to say sexist because of different time periods and all, but really." This is split into the typical stereotypes of the females as either the helpless good girl needing her big strong man to protect her or the evil, wicked woman. Madonna or Mary Magdalene.

In the first category, we have the girl whose boyfriend Gojyo mistakes for Doku. (Am I the only one, whose first reaction upon Gojyo saying "You just be a good woman and stay at home and wash his clothes and wait for him" was sexist! Then I figured, different time periods and all. Plus, Gojyo was just trying to be sweet. But that was my first reaction.) Then the girl who claimed she hated youkai, Seira, the girl Sanzo saved while facing off his clone. I need not mention they're all hysterical, screaming, crying types who need saving because they can't do a thing to protect themselves. Or the masses of whiney schoolgirls in Araiso. Just slightly annoying.

In the second, we have the spider demon woman, the scorpian demon woman, Lirin's mum, Taki's sister who's the head of the cult.

So apart from young ones, the rest are of the feminine, crying-needs to be saved sort, with a small group of "die, evil bitch!"

Now my thoughts.

I noted Minekura-san seems to be able to create better modern female characters who aren't cardboard caricatures, which makes me wonder if it's because Saiyuki has its roots in ancient times and in an ancient folklore, and there's the impression of girls in the past being mostly whiney helpless beings?

I recalled reading somewhere that Minekura-san said that she was a tomboy when she was young and often played with the boys, until she became older and I assume the rigors of Japanese society kicked in and she had to be feminine and gentle and couldn't anymore. I wonder if the young spunky girls are based on her, and her own childhood in a way?

As for the other stereoptyped females, this is just a generalisation, a possibility I'm contemplating, but I read that Japanese society places a sort of expectation of the feminine ideal on its women. It's a political thing, it's taught to the girls in school, it's in the mass media, it's an ideology. My Japanese lecturer and tutor mentioned it can be pretty crushing for the females, and girls may not actually be servile or want to be, but they're told they have to be. And as they get older and enter the working force it becomes worse. Since workplaces are generally male dominated and very formal anyway. And when they get married, and have a family, it's another sort of conformity.

So, this is just a random wonder, but I wonder if Minekura-san felt the same sort of pressure growing up. I wonder if the upbringing and environment and society of these Japanese female mangaka had any role to play in bringing about lots of works where the female characters are basically inferior to the male ones and are gentle, and feminine, and needs a man to save her, and so on.

In terms of characterisation, Minekura-san creates wonderful, complex, male characters that are human and have depth and are many sorts of awesome. But the female characters...play third or fourth fiddle.

But I'm not complaining, just noting, because female stereotypes are everywhere. And Japanese mangaka may be guilty of it, but so is pretty much the rest of the world. Even in open, liberal western countries, females just can't escape it.

I suppose Saiyuki is trying to target both shounen and shoujo audience, by having mainly male main characters and lots of fighting for the guys, and gorgerous bishounen and lots of character development and backstory for the girls. So the types of females that turn up can be overlooked. The point is the guys, after all. You don't read Saiyuki for interesting female role models or characters. And her guys are so good, so damn awesome.

Perhaps on my personal part, I don't read manga for the female characters. It's partly due to the types of girls that come up in it, especially shoujo, which can make my skin crawl, so I read it for what's good, which are the guys here. After all, part of manga reading for me is gorgerous art and drooling over the guys. If I want good female characterisation I'll just read novels, or turn to the real world. Because I realised even if there were manga with great female characters I might not read it, because I prefer to see pretty boys, than girls.

Point is, Minekura-san does great guys. So I'll just enjoy it, since it is here. Only pity is for my media paper, I can't talk about subverting gender stereotypes for Saiyuki anymore. Oh well. I'll just focus the attention on our beloved ikkou.

ETA: Just, I went back to cfud after stopping ever since Hakkai left because well, WA. ~~Yes I am hopeless that way.~~ Then I found campersfuckoff, and found the dropping post and started bawling again. Oh, insane, much. ~~Yes, still hopeless this way.~~ I, I am not going back to cfud. Sigh.

Looking for help

2007-03-28T13:53:33Z

Also, I have another Wild Adapter fic in the works, so would anyone be kind enough to beta it for me?

Twisted fairy tales.

2007-03-28T13:39:19Z

Title: Twisted Fairy Tales
Fandom: Wild Adapter
Pairing: Kubotoki
Worksafe: Yes. Probably.
Summary: Kubota tells a story. Or five.
Author's note: Inspired by monkeybarrel 's fic, on the idea of how applicable fairy tales can be. Hopefully it is funny. And I'm quite pleased because I haven't written anything I was quite satisfied with for a long time. Also, just starting to experiment with WA fic, so please excuse me.

Once upon a time, there was a princess. Her stepmother didn’t like her, and thus sent her away and pretended she didn’t exist and ordered everybody not to talk to her. She went into the forest, and lived with an undefined number of little dwarves. The little dwarves listened to her and they often played video games together. The princess took care of them and occasionally killed the people who tried to attack her dwarves.

Then one day one of the dwarves was killed. The princess…

Kubo-chan! That’s not the way it goes.

Isn’t it?

No! The princess never killed anybody.

Hmm. You never know what people did in their past. Shall I tell you another one then?

Once upon a time, there was a princess. She had been sleeping for a very long time and nobody could wake her. Lots of people tried, by kissing her. But she didn’t wake up.

One day, a prince came. Like everyone else, he tried to wake her up. But he didn’t kiss her. Instead, he hit the princess. The princess woke up and…

What is wrong with you! The prince kissed the princess!

I don’t remember him doing so. I remember the hitting though.

Yes. He. Did. Kiss. Her!

Hmm, he did, eventually. After a long, long time. He wouldn’t let the princess kiss him at first.

…Pervert.

Yes. I think so too. How about this?

Once upon a time, there was a little girl with a black glo…hood. She went to visit somebody who was ill and brought some sweet snacks for her. But, the patient was taken by the big bad wolves who wanted to know where her boyfriend was.

So, the little girl went after the patient, and tried to hit the bad wolves. But the bad wolves managed to capture the little girl too and wanted to eat her. At this point, the woodcutter who was worried about the little girl went into the woods to look for her. He found the wolves about to eat the girls and demanded that the little girl be returned to him. The wolves refused, so the woodcutter had to kill all the wolves to get back his little girl…

No! That’s all wrong too!

Hmm?

The girl had a red hood! A red riding hood!

I didn’t know that.

She was called ‘Little Red Riding Hood’, damnit.

I see. Hmm, do you think red complements your skin colour?

Idiot!

I shall strive to do better.

Again?

Once upon a time, a beauty found an injured beast with a furry clawed hand. She took him home, and nursed him. He had a short temper, and was very violent, and broke the beauty’s arm, but deep down he was really very kind and virtuous when not antagonized.

One day the beauty was called back to her home, and the beast was very upset and started looking for the beauty. The beauty wanted to go back to the beast, but she couldn’t leave because her sisters kept her there. She was very sad too, because she realized that nothing in this world was real except for…

KUBO-CHAN!

Am I wrong again?

The beast didn’t break her arm.

He didn’t?

Anyway, the beast is supposed to be the good guy.

I didn’t say he wasn’t.

And he was supposed to be kind and good to the beauty.

I didn’t say he wasn’t either.

You said he was violent!

Wasn’t he?

I’ll show you what’s violent!

Hai, hai. If you don’t like this I’ll tell another one then.

Enough!

I promise, that’ll be the last one.

Once upon a time, there were two little pigs. One of the pigs lived in a straw house. One day, a big bad wolf came and huffed and puffed and said it seems you still like animals and blew the straw house of a delusion away. The little pig ran to the other pig that lived in a wood house and the 2 little pigs lived together for a long, pretending the wood house was safe. But the big bad wolf hunted for them again.

Then?

I don’t know.

What do you mean you don’t know?

I don’t. Maybe the first little pig went to kill the big bad wolf.

Huh? No, there were supposed to be 3 pigs in the first place. And the wood house was blown away too, but that’s okay, ‘cause they ran to the brick house and it stood.

Really?

Yes! And the wolf huffed and puffed till it died and the house stood and the 3 little pigs lived happily ever after.

I thought there were only two.

Whatever. It ends happily anyway.

Does it?

Yes it does!

I wonder, Tokitoh.

Yes. I say it’ll be a happy ending.

Okay, if you say so.

Zzz.

2007-03-25T14:40:37Z

Finally got my friends group sorted out, mostly just adding stuff to reading journals so I don't have to keep visiting journal by journal. The lurker always lurks. Also rearranging groups, because I realised adding people's journals just because they Used to write great Saiyuki fic is rather dumb because people fall out of fandom and I lose interest.

Spent 7 hours on essay, so tired I'm dead, so will reply to comments tomorrow because I hate replying when I'm incoherent.

Edited: After the sorting I realised the number on is my flist was 38. Admittedly that is not my favourite number, so I added one more. Which is still not my favourite number, but, well, you can't have everything you want. At least I'm not overstepping the boundaries of sanity by adding another 20 or if we want to get particular about it, another 47 to it. Just to.

I take potshots at sanity but I try not to shatter it completely. The broken glass makes it a lot harder on the way back.